hey im back 2 feeling shitty how does liteally a few texts from her ruin my entire room how do you even achieve that shes not doing it on purpose i wish i hated her and him so i wouldnt wanna talk 2 them and feel shitty again but i dont and im greatful for it still but agh i wanna kms i am also very overwhelmed by my hw but i am still not doin it lolol i am on the verge of breaking down
ok im glad did his lil schizo rant 2 me bc when he does im like ok maybe im being silly,,, but also what if he's right ab her just being bored of me and so is kevin and,,,, aghhhhhhhh,, idk maybe i should not trust anyone and then isolate myself in my room and never leave outside of school and then slit my wrists and die XDDDDDD i wont but i wish i would,,, then this blog culd be the only way anyone could know ab me X)
also plz dont stop texting me anyone who reads this ik it looks like i want whoever 2 stop textin but i dont,,,, im just self destructive,,,,,, haha,,
im glad i went on that walk but i seriously cannot stop thinking about when she was like "thats MY BOY" and
i am not her boy anymore. i might not even be her boy for 2 more years. i might just never be her boy again. i cant do this anymore man. the worst part is that its my fault for breaking the camels back. and the underlying issue wont go away for so long. this is all my fault i cant stop thinking about every mistake ive made. im genuienly on the verge of tears. i am going to
i dont even know what im going to do.
so i think i am bad person i should be happy for her she has a wonderful wonderful boyfriend way better than me honestly she has felt so comfy around him and when she did that to him,,, genuienely the most possesive ive seen her and most like,,, loving look ive seen when she did that she never did that
to me.
im glad she didn't ask to see these secret posts or asked if i made any bc she'll realize how much of a horrible person i am she is happier without me and i need to be happy for her and i cant. i know the only way to make it up to her about me being a waste of space is not hurting myself but i want to i want to purge myself of the things i have done. i dont really want to with my exacto knife bc thats rlly,,, scary,, but i wanna do something. anything. please.
urAGH IM SO ANNOYING !! probably the most normal teenage thing ive complained ab here but STILL I HATE BEING ANNOYINGH
i still cant stop thinking about the my boy thing,,,, im not her boy anymore,,,,,, agh,, this sucks so bad.. i just want it to end already,, what a pain... at least i can look fowards to the idea of my dad getting a job and leaving & me becoming able to leave my house as an adult. thatll be cool. i can do whatever i want to myself if i live alone... maybe i could even die alone..... scary.... ok i sound edgy goodnight
ps i could never kms now that i think about it how i could i leave moni alone.... maybe if i isolate myself from everyone i know and love and if i only love her ill never be hurt again ! but i know she would be heart broken to know i did that,, sighs